Drama, drama, drama. So I don't really want to die and my life isn't ruined. I would really like to sleep though, that didn't happen much last night because I couldn't turn my mind off. It seemed like everything I have to do now, all the things that have changed, and the fact I still have a friend out of this were all running through my head the entire night. After I finally fell asleep (four+ hours after lying down) I only got about two hour before my cat decided to wake me up with his kitten-like needing and I didn't fall back to sleep after that.

I had a good long talk with my mom after writing my last entry and I also talked to T (the girl) and though it wasn't the best conversation because it was still hurting and I was trying to figure out what I had to do now about moving or not (not) I know from talking to her that friendship will work. She's hurting too, which makes it easier knowing she didn't just fall out of love with me or find someone else but at the same time I kind of feel bitter that she is hurting because she's the one that did this and her hurting makes me feel sorry for her and want to make her feel better.

I'm going to be seeing her tomorrow because I had been planning on moving shortly to her city and I have a job interview tomorrow that I don't have a contact number for in order to cancel, but I also want to see her and finish this for real in person (she did it on the phone though she had been trying to wait until I came there, but all my questions and telling her my feelings and asking for her's pushed her to do it when she did.) But without closing this off in person I don't think we can be friends as easily, because I need to see that she's upset and that she still cares about me and that her feelings while we were together and now that we aren't were true. I just really hope I don't start crying when I see her, right now I'm good and I feel okay, but actually seeing her and knowing I can't kiss her and everything is changed will be hard.

But enough of this for now, I'm not fine enough for that last sentence to not be tugging at my heart and bringing the tears close so I will close for now. I'm sure I will be back before too long. This diary has seen me through heart ache before and for that I am grateful for diaryland...

And for you skipper. Thanks:)