Oh how fast plans change with the blink of an eye! So as of this morning I am no longer planning right now to pick up and move, at least not until I have a job to move to. Once again there is new development with Lisa which causes me to take back the last email I wrote her, not that I really wanted to have her out of my life anyway or that the email was bad, but now that I more fully know what's going on and that her silence to me has been completely out of her hands I can feel more at ease about us, even with also knowing the chances of us actually talking or being able to email again probably for a while are very slim. I know she's still out there and we both still want the same thing. Give me another month without anything from her and I may be back to feeling how I was before, but that's in a month and not today.

I'm not gonna get into what's been going on with her other than to say it hasn't been good and big changes may result from it. I swear her life could be the full plot of a horror/mystery movie. That girl has been handed so many unfair, cruel things in life it's about time she gets to have the happy part, ME. And it better happen soon so I can better be there for her.

But anyway the reason my plans have changed with knowing that: I wanted to move for a number of reasons but a big one being to start over. But to do that, without a job first, would be to use the money I have been saving for us, which was ok when I didn't really think there was an us to still be saving for. But now there is, and with things the way they are there maybe I can use this money to get her a ticket over here, but until I know more I will stay put, deal with other things I was trying to get away from and work on finding another job locally or one somewhere else before moving. With her I have a future to look forward to, without her I was wanting to move to make a future to look forward to.

And I figured even on the measily amount of income I have right now, if I got a roommate I would be able to scrape by with moving out. That gave me a lot of hope because I have a friend that would be my roommate as we've talked about it before. I won't mention it to her right away though, I want to look a bit longer for a more secure/bigger income first and who knows I might get one soon. I just applied tonight for a full time portrait photographer. And I have all the experience I need since it said no experience required, lol. Though I do have some, just not in a job setting. I got my fingers crossed. So once again, even after a really long day of thinking and figuring out where I am with things, it's going good.

And the phrase "meant to be" just keeps pounding itself into my brain.