So I just wrote Lisa a final email saying that was the last she would hear from me now, unless I hear from her(I won't just ignore her) but that there's no guarantee anymore of us being anything more than friends. And that the shit that love can take, my limit had been met. Among other things I said, that was my goodbye letter to her. Most for my own closure so I can move on more, but also because if she does come back I don't want her thinking I'm just sitting around waiting for her and that all can be forgiven with a simple I'm sorry. This is too much for everything to just spring back into place.

And I'm stuck in the middle of wanting her to come back and us to work things out and not wanting anything more than friendship with her because it's gotten too hard and I really just want a local girlfriend, one that I can actually spend time with without a computer connection, and be able to hold her hand and go for a walk and just share a comfortable silence. I want all that, I want in person, I want romance and cuddles and kisses and notes on the pillow and all that other gooshy wonderful stuff. And while I'm here and Lisa is there, we cant have even half that even if we were to get back together. Love is definately work, but it doesnt have to be this much work. So I said my goodbye, I said my thankyous, and I cried my tears, now it's time to take life by the reins and make it what I want. Starting with MOVING.

I definately think that is the best thing for me. A new start, a new place, a new job. I've decided I want to move to Victoria, and the two jobs elsewhere in BC that I've applied for I dont want to get a call about cause I can't turn them down. But I want to move to Vic instead, I looked today and there is quite a bit of affordable rentals there, to my surprise, and lots of jobs I would apply for if I was there. So this is sounding more and more plausible and more and more like what I both want and need to do. Just gotta decide for sure and tell my mom, lol.

Peace out readers, hope your days are going more smoothly than mine.