I feel so utterly alone in my entire existance. I have no one to talk to, no one that understands me or anything I'm going through and the person that was both of those to me, I have no fucking idea what is happening there!

I just don't want to be in this god forsaken world anymore, it's too hard and hurts too much...that doesn't mean I'm suicidal if anyone cares. I just have nothing worth waking up for in the morning, no reason to care if I wake up ever again or not. Life would be so much better if I wasn't in it.

22 and I've lead such a pathetic life. Not even a life. One love that I never even saw in person and who doesn't talk to me now for who knows what reason, though she claims to still love me and I hang around like some puppy dog wanting her back into my life. Living back home with my mom who half the time I'm sure can't even stand me and barely likes me. Part time job that I hate, which was the same job I had when I was sixteen, not enough hours or wage to even pretend to survive on or have any hope of getting my own place with. Friends that I never see and when I do see one now and then I feel like I don't belong. And the realization that my writing career will probably never make it off the ground because I have no ambition, determination, or enough skill compared to others out there making a living off words.

All of that was fine when the love thing was working for me cause then at least I knew someone cared about me and I wasn't so totally alone in everything. Now I feel no love with me from anyone and no one cares to ask any questions even when they know some of what's happening. This is what it's like to be completely alone.

Please don't let me wake tomorrow. Please.