holy holy holy holy holy holy

HOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay remember what I said in my last entry? Ya, well scratch that! Talk about timing, but I just got an email from...you'll never guess. LISA. Ya, Lisa. I mean HOLY. I can't stop shaking. Literally. I have no control over the muscles in my legs. I mean damn, last night I cried my eyes out writing a letter to Lisa as my very last attemp at trying to get her, today I cry my eyes out trying to finish the letter so I can mail it tomorrow. This evening I wrote in a different diary that it is so hard saying goodbye to her. And now she emails me! And she's doing okay as far as I can tell. And she still loves me. And shoot I'm already back in love with her, lmao. As if that was ever gone, just thought it was starting to be since my hope was all gone for us. This is so so crazy. You know the song 'I will remember you' by Sarah Mclachlan? I even wrote out the lyrics to that to put in her letter, two hours ago. I tried her phone ten minutes ago, it's busy. First damn sign of life with that phone in two months! Am I making this all up in my mind? I know I can't be but this doesn't seem real. And I was just starting to tell people she was gone to, now I can go take it all back. Lol. That's so weird though, I wait all this time to update this diary and finally say something about her in here, and the very same day she comes back. There really is someone out there looking out for us all isn't there. Just when I gave up my last bit of hope by getting that letter ready to go, they bring her back to me. Now if this isn't meant to be for us, then this is one cruel cruel joke. With perks. I'm trying not to get too anxious in the entry like I did last time only to have the past month and a half happen.

holy holy holy holy

I don't know if I want to laugh, cry, or beat my head against a wall for how much more guilty I feel for thinking of finding a new girlfriend now that we have a chance of being together again. Let me just say this, if this works again I am getting her here as soon as I possibly can so this can't happen again. God dammit I am not going to go again thinking I missed so much with her because we were never in person. Hell no.

This world works in mysterious ways. I tell ya.

Mysterious.

Well now I think I shall get some rest and hope for this good of an ending to my day, tomorrow and every day after.

Holy.