Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't I stop crying? I should be happy, bouncing off the walls with a big stupid smile because I just got to talk to her on the phone for 11:31 minutes. I should be crazily delerious. I love her voice SO much, it is...I can't even explain it. If there was one sound that I had to choose to hear 24 hours a day 7 days a week, nonstop, it would be her voice. And her laugh, gawd her laugh, if there was a sound for a smile, a heart wrenchingly beautiful smile that makes your knees weak and a shiver run up your spine, the sound would be her laugh. What she was saying I loved to, it made me smile and laugh and it was just great. 11:31 minutes in which my world made sense, my heart was where it belongs, and I was with her, right where I always want to be. Then our connection was lost, just like that ---- nothing, not a sound, not a sweet laugh, not a voice, not even static, just nothing. She was gone. It was like having my heart torn out of my chest while I'm watching. We were online right before and after the call so we still talked, she wasn't completely gone, but I can't stop crying. I hate this.

I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!

She's too far away. I'm too far away. And it's neither of our faults. It's life and life is unfair, it gives you something that makes you so happy, that you know, YOU KNOW, is right for you and always will be, but just for fun it's thousands of miles away and for even more fun, one of the rare phone calls we have is cut short without even a goodbye, or a last 'I love you' so I can better remember the sound in her voice when she says it.

I don't know what to do. I'll hopefully get another chance to call her this week. That's something to look forward to. But it just hurts so much. I don't want computers and phones to be our only way to talk and I know she doesn't either. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I miss her all the time, I'm never fully happy because I'm never fully with her, and I have no way of making that happen right now or for a long time probably:( There is no way I would give her up no matter how hard this gets before it gets better, being the day we are at the airport and I get to feel her in my arms, I just, I don't know. I just need her with me. I love her so much and that phone call was not enough. I want to call her again right now but she's busy and I want to save time on my calling card to call her this week again.

She was so cute on the phone, I've never met anyone I would be happy to just listen to talk all the time. And I know from today's call when we're together in person nothing's gonna change, we won't talk different or act different, we'll still be us. Which I'm really glad. The only thing I want to change is our distance. We'll be together soon but it can never be soon enough, not the way that I feel when she's gone, or when she's here, or when we're on the phone, or when I have to hang up the phone, or when I have to say bye online, it can never be soon enough to take back all the nights I don't want to go to bed because it means leaving her to go to somewhere where she isn't, or the tears that I've cried because I miss her so much I can't keep it in, or the days I've spent gazing at her picture wishing she was here.

The love of my life, my soulmate, and I'm sitting her with red eyes in my half empty apartment in small town Canada, while she fixes her car in big city Australia. I would be so happy just to be watching her work on the car.

My heart hurts so much. It never stops. I think since meeting Lisa, I've become two people. I'm Kim with Lisa, and the Kim without Lisa. With her, I'm happy(even with tears), talkative(in a way, not so much on the phone though hey baby), relaxed(even when I'm stressing), and 110% content(she's everything I ever want). Without her, I'm down(more tears), quiet(no comment), tense(nothing is going my way), not content(nothing is how I want it). I'm tired of feeling two different ways. I just want to be with her.

I just want to be with her.

I just want to be with her.

I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!

I love you with all my heart Lisa.