Today was my first day on the new job. Sort of. I didn't actually do any work, just learned all the policies and procedures, watched some company videos, met a few people and had a tour so it was more an orientation. Tomorrow I start training on the till which I don't think will be too hard since I have three years experience with that, just a bit of a different system. I think it'll be an alright job after all.

The things I was most worried about I don't think I will have any part in so I don't have to worry about that anymore. The people I met seem nice enough to so it'll be fine. I'm just such an unconfident chicken when it comes to starting new things and meeting new people. My not talking doesn't really help in the meeting new people part of it either.

One girl I met in the deparment next to mine, I'm in Photo she's in Audio Video, was really nice and welcoming and she's only been there nine months so I'll feel comfortable with her. And the two I met from my deparment seemed nice in a distant kind of way, once I get to know them I doubt there will be any troubles.

I got so little sleep last night though. Woke up SO many times and felt myself awake nearly the rest of the time. It's a good thing I've master yawning with my mouth shut, lol. No sleep on top of listening for hours about policies and procedures doesn't make for an awake Kim. Tonight I think I'll sleep better. I always have a bad night before the start of anything.

Imagine how I'll be the night before I know Lisa arrives. Whoo baby, I doubt I would even try to sleep. I absolutely can not wait for that day to come though. I don't care if I have nerves that make me feel like I'm gonna puke or um hmm in my pants, or if I can't sleep for weeks before hand, or if I'm five times more self conscious than I usually am, I want my gurl here, in my arms so much. She's everything I've wanted and everything I never even imagined.

She wants me to write the story of her past. To share with everybody what she's been through and she wants me, lil 'ole me to write it. I feel so honoured that she does. It's such a big and difficult part of her life. I know it is going to be hard, hard on her with all the questions I will have to ask her to get all the information I need which will take her back to that time and relive it all again, I hate the thought of doing that to her. And it will be hard on me to knowing even more than I know now of what she's been through, about the monsters that were supposed to love her, about the times she tried so hard to end it all for her freedom, and just to know that by writing this for her others will know all that as well and some may react like some of the assholes that use it against her and use it to hurt her.

But I will write it for her and do the best that I can do, this was/is her life and there is no way I will let it become just another story or some shoddy excuse for a novel. Out of everything I ever have or will write, this will be the most important to me.

I already have three pages double sided of questions to ask her over time and it already makes me sick knowing what some of the answers are and knowing what some of the answers can be.

She still amazes, the person that she is, how sweet, caring, adorable, fun loving, trusting, honest, sincere, and optimistic that she is when all she ever knew for so many years of her life was pain, hatred, torment, a hideously brainwashed version of love, fear, and lonliness. She is such a great person and there is no one and nothing to commend for it but herself and her determination to be who she really is.

Honestly, without any bias because I am totally head over heals for her, she truly is an admirable person, someone to look up to and learn a lot about life from. If I told her that she would just say she's only being herself and that's the best part about her, she is just being herself. She doesn't try to be something else for anybody, she doesn't pretend she is all that, she doesn't act like she is better than others, she's just Lisa through and through. What better way of being could there be?

I very much want to be with her, there or here it doesn't matter. I want her in my arms everyday and night, I want to look into her melt-my-heart eyes, I want to kiss her adorably sweet mouth, I want to talk to her about everything and nothing and always hear the amazing sound of her voice, I want to wipe away her tears, and I want to be right there with her when we start to go over her past so I can comfort her and stop asking when I know she needs to though she says to keep going. I hope really soon we will be together always and never apart.

I love her more than four letters can say.

Nite all