I just found out last night that my mom brought me out of the closet to one side of my family.

I live in a city where no one else in my family lives, my hometown is an hour and a half away. After I finished college I decided to stay here and live alone rather than move back home. Some of my reasoning was that at the time I hadn't come out to my mom yet and so everytime I was around her and didn't say anything I felt I was lying to her and so it stressed me out and depressed me; I wouldn't be able to talk to Lisa the way I do now and so it would really strain our relationship. I also like my time alone, and living at home I couldn't just do what I wanted when I wanted. So I've been living here alone for ten months.

Apparently my family has asked my mom before why I wanted to live here alone. On friday when they asked again my mom told them. She said that I was working through some issues and that she had something to tell them she never thought she would be saying. Before she said anything else my aunt said she already knew what my mom was about to tell them. So my mom told them, my aunt was right in what she thought, my cousin already knew to, and my grandma did aswell cause my aunt had talked to her about me before. My grandpa was the only one that didn't know before my mom said it, but he said nothing shocks him anymore. They all also said to tell me they still love me and nothing has changed and that I can move home now, lol.

After what happened christmas eve, with my mom saying not to tell them cause she wasn't ready, she ends up being the one to tell them only a few weeks later. She was afraid I would be upset that she was the one to tell them, that maybe saying it was like therapy for me, but I'm just happy half my family knows and don't care and I didn't have to find the nerves to tell them. Now I'm just going to write them all letters at some point so they can hear it from me to and know they can ask questions if they have any. Now I just have to tell the other side of the family at some point.

I'm unsure how seeing them all again for the first time is going to go, but I guess I will find out whenever I get back home which wont be for a month or two as now I am really busy with work. This is my second day off since the second and the first one was on the fifth. I've been out of town for the last week working. At least I will have some extra money for the first time in many months.

All this time my mom was dreading the family knowing about me, they also know about Lisa and think it would be great if she came here, and it turns out not one of them cares that I'm gay. The other side of the family will be the same as well I'm sure. The worst part of having to come out, are the thoughts we put in our own heads of how it could go badly, of how we could be disowned, or called sinful, or told our love is wrong, and true sometimes it does turn out that way, but more often than not I think the person that thinks the worst is us and others don't really care who we sleep with or fall in love with. I guess that's just our way of preparing for the worst so we can protect ourselves if it does turn out badly. Luckily the worst has all stayed in my head and no one else really notices. I think myself into a grave sometimes. I should stop doing that.