What a week. It's gone from bad to good, to bad to good, to bad and good competing. First was the coming out to my mom which could have been a lot worse but also could have been better. I think she is a little heart broken now, this "isn't the life she had planned for [me]." She told my sister that, not me. This isn't exactly the life I had planned for myself either, but I do love how it is turning out. It was a rather stressful thing talking to my mom about being gay and knowing the answers I gave just weren't enough to make her understand. On top of that going back home really depresses me though I'm not exactly sure why. And of course the absense of my gurlfriend for a couple days and my constant worry over her whereabouts made most of my trip home less than enjoyable.

The day before coming back here, my gurl showed up and put the smile back on my face and cleared the tears from my heart. We talked three different times that day. I do so much love talking to her. I do so much love her. But my returned happiness didn't last long as the next morning my mom was crying over my sexuality and actually told me she felt like I had died. Hmm, not the nicest thing to hear first thing in the morning, to know your mother feels you are dead because you finally told her who you really are-nope not a good feeling.

Then just before coming home my mom apologized for disappointing me, she didn't though and I said so. She said she just loves me so much and doesn't want to see me hurt. I came home and got to talk for hours to my gurlfriend. And my mom also emailed me back as I was coming home and she said that the letter I gave her has probably helped and she understands more and sees now what I've really gone through. And then apologized for the death comment saying she knows I am still me and all that. So the day ended on a good note. But...

This morning I got up to talk to my gurl for a little bit, bad stuff is going on over in Aus with my gurl and I want her here so she can be away from it all. So this morning we were talking and she tells me of more stuff that happened since we talked last night and well I am starting to hate a lot of people I have never met before. And I seriously want to go over to Aus and kick a whole lot of asses and ask how they could do such things to her. I would give anything for her to be here with me right now and safe and happy and just forget all the stupid assholes over there.

Then I had a job interview this morning which wasnt an interview at all in that she told me about the job asked how it sounded then hired me. So I got a job, woohoo! I am an inventory clerk for this inventory service and we travel around this part of canada doing inventory for the bigger stores. Might be a bit boring, I've done inventory before and it's long tedious hours, but I get to travel and it's money and so I am pretty happy about it. I get trained tomorrow and then on July 2-3 I am already out of town doing the first job. They pay everything but food. So this trip for the 18 hours I will just be sitting in the car with the rest of them, I get paid. Purdy cool.

So those last two things, my gurls problems which are my problems because I am with her through it all and my job are the bad and good things that are competing for my feelings right now. I just don't know what to feel, and I really dont like the idea of going away for those two days if my gurl is still feeling the way she is and going through all this shit. I'm the only one she can talk to and sometimes I have to pull it out of her before she will even talk to me. This job is spordic so I wont be gone lots and lots so we will still get lots of time to talk and I will be able to be here for her, but when I'm not here it'll be then that she really needs me. That is just how things seem to work for us. Most of the time everything is against us or challenging us, including a lot of people when it comes to our relationship.

I know our meeting and falling in love how we did, the whole internet thing, is unconventional and could be risky and people who don't talk to many people online don't understand it in the least, but do they really need to keep reminding us of all the bad things and giving their two cents about doubts and all that? We've done that all ourselves and we are the ones doing this, not them, this is our decision and our lives, not theirs, and this is our happiness and our love, not theirs. Can't people just see that we are happy and accept that and let us just be? Oh well, soon we will be together and then everyone will see how an online meeting could turn into something as awesome as our relationship is going to be. Then all their doubts will be thrown out the window and we can be happy together.

All that matters is that we know each other and trust each other and love each with all our hearts. Other people's opinions are heard but not given any baring.

Oh and I just gotta say this, I got a newer picture of my gurl last night and she is so gorgeous. And I'm not just saying that cause I love her, she is totally stunning. Just thought I would share...the thought not her or her pic, sorry;) I love you baby.