There is still no word from her. I am beyond hurt, I don't care about that anymore. I am scared, I am worried. What if something really did happen to her? How will I go on without her? She means so much to me, I love her too much to loose her. I'm sure I didn't do anything to hurt her and keep her away, last time we talked she was fine and we were happy. Where the fuck is she? I can't stop thinking of all the things that could have happened to her, and what I might find out if I try calling. I don't want to call and if some stranger answers have them tell me what happened to her. I need to know where she is, but I just can't call yet to really find out if something did happen. I can't face that yet.

She's gotta be fine. She has gone through so much in her life she deserves to live the next seventy-eighty years in total happiness and bliss. That can't just end, and it can't just end right now. If anything happened to her my heart would shrivel and die from it but also from the sheer fact that this world and God if there is one, would be so cruel as to put her through so much for all her years and then just blow out her light when things are getting good for her. NO! That can't happen. She deserves more. She deserves better. She deserves the happiness and love that I was, am and want to keep giving her. She probably deserves more than me to, but she is happy with me and loves me back, she deserves at least what I can give to her and what I want to give to her for many many years.

I need her to come back and talk to me, even if it's to say we are through for some reason, even if she says she found someone better, someone closer, even if she says she hates me, even if she says she never really loved me and was just saying that. I just need to hear something anything from her to know she is still here, still there. I need desperately to know that her heart still beats, her lungs still breathe, and her mind still thinks. I can get through loosing her love as long as I know she is still alright. I'd hate to loose her love but I would die if anything bad happened to her, if she was hurt or worse. I just want her to be happy with me or someone else who makes her happier. I just want her to have a long, healthy life full of laughter and smiles. I just want her to really truly feel love both given and recieved, and with me I think she has, but if I didn't give enough I'll get through knowing that as long as she is still out there feeling and giving that all powerful love.

I can't stand this not knowing. My heart is aching for her, it feels so empty in her absense. I think I will cry myself to sleep tonight but I don't want to go to sleep cause then I'll have nothing to do but think about her until I drift off. I'm depressed...if you hadn't noticed.

when a heart cries, is it tears, blood, or just damn bloody tears?

Baby come back to me, I miss you so much.