I wish I was out on some deserted island somewhere out in the middle of the ocean, warm white sand underfoot, hot red sun overhead, cool blue water in front, tall green trees behind, the calls of birds surrounding me, the lapping water filling my ears, and the laughter of the only other person on the island surrounding me. From far off I can see her coming my way, she walks as if each step is a joke, like there are springs on the bottoms of her feet, like at any minute she's going to just step and lift off into the air her jovial weightlessness carrying her on the gentle breeze, floating through the air, she touches down in front of me, her figure framed by the oceanic background. Oh, to be on a deserted island, no others around for thousands of miles, no work, no troubles, just a self suffienct paradise to live and love happily ever after.

Paradise is only in my dreams though, instead I am home, in my room, alone, and procrastinating. Someone said that writing is 90% procrastination I think for me it is more like 99.9%. I am afraid that my dream to be a writer, a successful writer, is destined to fail...horribly. I have no ambition, I can't make myself sit down to write, there is always something else to do, anything else to do but that. Where did I go wrong in my life's path...no not life's path, I like where my life is right now, actually I've never been so happy in my life, it is just my career. I want to write, I still like writing, but I just can't seem to do it. Perhaps when I am living on my own, which is very very soon, I will have much fewer excuses and less things to procrastinate with. I guess my career will be as successful as I want it to be, meaning I just have to try, to do what I love doing and hopefully someone will see that my work is worthy and they will pay outrageous amounts of money so I can continue writing without starving too often.

But yes, I do love my life right now. I have never felt so complete, or so right, or so sure of what I see in my future. I know I do have a future now, a wonderful, amazing future, that I can't wait to build on. I see the possibilities, the actualities that were once just dreams and are now reality. One person, all it took was one person to open my eyes, my heart, my soul, and it doesn't matter how much I succeed or how much I fail, it does not matter if I stutter through my presentation in the morning, it doesn't matter if I fail my final exam next week, it does not matter if I'm not a talker, it does not matter that I'm short, that I can't sing, that I don't drive, that I'm not overly social, that I can't dance, that I can't fix cars, that I don't know the inner working of the brain, that I don't dress up, that I do not or know not or am not a million other things, all that matters is that I am me and that I don't try to hide who I am.

I am who I am, and for once in my life I am happy to just be me.
Because if I wasn't me then who would she be?
Where would she be if I wasn't me?
Would we be, just be, if I wasn't me?
I wouldn't want to see where we'd be if I wasn't me and she wasn't she.

Just be, that's all I can say, I'll be me, you be you, just be. Just be. There is no point trying to be someone else, to hide yourself or change yourself what would be the point, you would still be in there somewhere, hiding, cringing from peering eyes, and sooner or later you would be found shuddering in a corner of your heart, knees pulled up around you, head on your arms. Your truth, my truth it is there and will stay there no matter who we play at being, so just be yourself, accept, love, and live your life. It's the only one you got right now, and second chances might not come along.