Why do girls take so long to get ready for a night out? Why do people get drunk? Why am I sitting here writing a diary entry that barely anyone will read and no one will care about? With all the above questions the answers have evaded me.

I went out tonight to the bar with my friends, the first time in over a year, to say that least the bar isn't exactly my scene. I hate dancing because I am too self conscious and think everyone will notice that I can't dance, yeah like a room full of drunk people are gonna be looking at me and talking about the way I dance, WHATEVER!! I got a little drunk tonight to in hopes that it would loosen me up a bit and I wouldn't give a flyin'fcuk what anyone thought or what I was doing, wrong again.

I sat alone most of the night while my friends were out on the dance floor. I saw these girls dancing together, and I don't know if they were les, or bi, or just straight and drunk and affectionate but what ever they were they were dancing very close and very in contact with each other and it depressed me so much. If I was sober would I have become so depressed? I kept on wishing my girlfriend was there with me so I could be dancing like that with her, with her it would be the only time that I didn't care who watched me dance because they would all disappear into the background. Did I say that I was still a little drunk right now? Well I am. And I hate it.

And I am still a little depressed though better because I came home and emailed my girl a really all over the place email, I hope she can understand what I was trying to say.

And why do girls take so long to get reaady, my roommates started getting ready to go out a good three hours before we left, it took me five minutes, I changed my pants I changed my shirt, they changed their lives and to tell you the truth they looked pretty much the same to me as they do everyday when it only takes them like half an hour to get ready. I'm a girl I should understand this, but it goes way over my head.

Anyway, Silver was also at the club tonight but she didnt have any affect on me tonight, I still love her smile and she is still cute, but there was nothing else that I felt before, maybe because most of the night I was just looking down on her from above and wasn't close like last time, maybe it was because I was drunk, and maybe and most likely it was because all I could think about all night was my girlfriend. My girlfriend who no one knows about, ah life is becoming so complicated.

I really shouldn't try thinking when I am drunk, or even the little buzzed that I am now, it just doesn't work out for me. Night all.